My journey to worthy.
What is self-worth? How does it form? And if it get's ruptured—is there any coming back?
Here I share with you the personal story behind everything I do: my own self-worth journey — from “Wounded” to Worthy.
I hope whoever needs to read this, does. I’m not sharing this for sympathy, advice or accolades. I intend it to be a very real story of how early experiences shape our sense of self — and to provide inspiration on what really is possible when that happens. Here it is, in three parts:
Part 1: The Wounding:
You were not born feeling unworthy, so when did that begin?
Know that that part of you may still be alive inside of you, needing your attention and care.
At 5 years old, I learned that I wasn’t enough.
Or at least, that’s what my small mind believed.
I know now that this is a total lie — the biggest hoax of my life in fact. But back then, it felt ingrained in every cell of my being, so true that it just was.
As a young child, I was in many ways, a daddy’s girl. When I was 3 years old, my parents divorced, and my father—after some time trying to make things work close by—moved to Australia.
Yes, the other side of the world.
I remember my brother and I finding out about our first trip there. Tucked into our cozy beds in our safe London home, I imagined this land of snakes, spiders, and sharks…
But deep down, I was excited. I loved the way my dad always brought adventure into my life. Teaching me to swim, ride a bike and follow fantastical treasure hunts. I was excited to see him again.
24 hours on a Qantas plane later, feeling extra special travelling as ‘unattended minors’ and riding severe turbulence like it was a funfair ride, two little kids arrived on the other side of the world, wide eyed and excited.
But what happened next shattered something inside me. Something that would take decades to rebuild. The memory is still as clear as a scene from a movie to me.
We arrived at my father’s new home in Fremantle— taking in many strange and new things like boogie boards and warm air that smelt of eucalyptus trees. Feeling a little nervous and shy.
And then I noticed, in the sunny garden, two little babies...
Twins.
Two new children.
All tanned and blonde and as cute as could be.
A self-conscious heat rose in my chest and a twist in my belly. My heart—and my understanding of who I was —shattered in that moment.
I knew, with a certainty that cut into every cell, that I had been replaced. I hadn’t been enough. Something was deeply wrong with me. Shame and panicked questions started to race through my young mind:
What had I done wrong? What did these babies have that I didn’t? Who did I need to pretend to be, to be worthy?
And so, the years of shaping myself through this lens began…
Part 2: The Downward Spiral
Our hardest moments have the opportunity to break us, or shape us into higher versions of ourselves. Which will it be?
Just four years after my first trip to Australia, tragedy hit.
My older brother—the person I ‘d shared everything with—got diagnosed with cancer, and within just three months, he was gone forever.
At nine years old, with a grieving mother, an absent father, the loss of my brother and a childhood best friend who vanished in my time of need, I felt (and in many ways was) completely alone.
As children we make everything we experience mean something about ourselves. My loss cemented the understanding that I was not enough in some way.
Some people reach rock bottom in their mid-life. This was it for me. I wrote a suicide note at that time and the two years that followed were the darkest of my life.
I must be clear that there’s more nuance to this story (and to life itself) than absolute doom and gloom; more greys and subtleties than can be expressed in one story.
These experiences forged a warrioress in me. They instilled unshakable courage, a deep reverence for the fleeting nature of life and a burning passion to live it fully, not just for myself, but for two people. For this I am grateful, it made me who I am.
But here's the thing that is also true:
A worthiness wound, left unchecked, will shape everything in your life no matter how much you try and cover it up. As everything you create reflects how you perceive yourself. And childhood trauma, if pushed away, doesn’t fade - it festers.
By my early teens, beneath achievements and appearances, I was suffering:
I developed an eating disorder that stayed with me for many years.
I doubted myself, put others' needs before mine, and wore masks to fit in where I didn’t really belong.
I used my quickly developing body to gain validation from men — a slippery slope and a dangerous game.
I deeply feared speaking and standing up for myself, allowing harmful relationship dynamics to remain unchecked for decades.
At 22 I moved to Sydney, Australia and for a while I distracted myself with sunshine and fun. Outwardly, life looked great. Inside, unchecked wounds were starting to wreak their havoc, and in their surreptitious ways, were guiding many of my life choices.
By my late 20s, unhealed trauma started showing up in my body via gut issues and hormone imbalances. A painful breakup and worsening health forced me to finally face what I’d been running from — my past.
This was my breaking—or breakthrough—point. And this is where EVERYTHING changed.
Part 3: The Woman I am today
Every breakdown is a potential breakthrough.
Whatever your past pain, however deeply it's impacted you — it is possible to overcome it and come back to your worthiest self.
And the first step is simply this: having the courage to face it.
It was over ten years ago that the breaking point came for me.
For the next five, I devoted myself to healing—diving deep into everything from Buddhist meditation and yoga, to Tantra to trauma therapy. But ultimately, the journey wasn’t about learning something new. It was about unraveling the untruths. and coming home to who I’d always been.
I got still. I faced my past. I sat with the pain that I’d spent years running from and avoiding in various ways.
I had the courage to have conversations with family members and friends that I once thought impossible (a pivotal moment in my life and a story for another time)
I redefined every relationship in my life— and let go of anything that no longer fit.
I quit the job that stifled my soul and stepped into a new life on an island that was everything I’d once dreamed of.
People say healing has no finish line. That you never truly ‘arrive.’
I disagree.
When you carry a self-worth wound, there IS a moment (if you're willing to do the work) when it finally dissolves. A moment when you finally see yourself clearly—not through the lens of distorted filters, but for who you truly are.
This moment is the arrival point.
And from here, an upward spiral of expansion begins.
This journey didn’t just change my life, it became the foundation for the work I now do with women around the world.
After shifting my life entirely, I kept studying: relationships, self-esteem, embodiment, Tantra & Somatic Trauma Therapy. But now, the work wasn’t just for me. It was for something much bigger — to serve.
I now see the imprint of self-worth in others so clearly, often more than they can themselves. I know how these wounds form, and more importantly, I know what is required to truly transmute them and release their hold.
I’ve now taken everything—my lived experience, my training across many modalities, years of coaching women from many walks of life — to create a pathway to rebuilding your self-worth that truly works.
I call this Worthy Woman.
This work goes way beyond surface-level self-love. This is deep trauma healing, total internal alchemy and radical behaviour change to heal the worthiness wound at its core. If something stirred inside you reading this, you can read more about this here.
And where does the story end for me?
I could tell you about all the ways my life looks great. I live in amazing places, call incredible humans my friends and peers. I’m at peace with my family. I’ve taught at international festivals, led many clients through their own transformation and healing journeys, and had the privilege of experiencing so many rich experiences in my life to date.
However, life of course has its ups and downs and is much more than an instagram highlight reel.
The most important aspect I can relay to you about this journey, is the way I feel inside. The way I respond to outside stress and what I do and don’t make others’ actions mean about myself. The ability I have to see myself clearly. The calm self-trust and self-knowing. The connection to my power. The deep love and pride. The peace and the ease.
When you take the self-worth journey, your outer life does totally transform, but it’s the sense of being back reunited with the person that matters the most that really counts - and that is, of course, yourself. This incredible being has always been there, waiting for you to really see her for who she truly is, to reclaim your connection to her and to the most important thing of all, your undeniable worth.
💝 A gift for you
Would you like to know the key steps I take clients through to radically transform their connection to their worth? I’ve written a guide & workbook: 6 Steps to Heal the Worthiness Wound which you can download for free here.
📧 I'd love to hear from YOU
I shared this story to show what's possible, de-stigmatise talking about childhood trauma (which is part of many of our lives) and to offer a mirror for your own experience, as well as the empowering possibility for change.
Did any of my story resonate with you? What did it bring up? Where are you in your own self-worth journey? Send me an email to monika@monikaaimie.com to share your take outs with me.
Sending much love — and remember, you are more than enough, and absolutely worthy.